Missy Teo's Oddments

i think i lost my admin card

i think i place it at home
but this morning i as i stepped out of house
i remember that i dont have my admin card
which i need today
as i need to finish or rather touch up with my project
and peijing helped me to book a pc on her account

then i went back to find
and wasted one hour
no .. i didnt wasted
i found out that




i think is not in my house
it is not in my room
not in the living room
not at the bar counter
nopes
even washing machines toilet
Dont have!

Arghhh
freak
i just have to complete them in class tommorrow
and go do another one

now i know why wei qin is kinda hooked in xia hue blog
i read through her past entries
from.. i think last year?
like wad i did in hweeling.blogspot.com

Man
she good
i have to give her two thumbs up of what she blogged and how i answer people who are irrating etc

and her photoshop!
plus her that lalalapom.blogspot.com friend pretty funny with pictures too


Arghh marina!!!
eveyrone i love is going there
I GOING TO!!
HMMP!
i gonna.. erm.. threaten grace
blackmail grace

anything as long as i dont have to stay in tiong till she comes back
BOOO!

dear admin card
i miss you
pls come back
i love u with all my heart if u do

dumb*

working full shit today
and dont feel like so
well hear ah neng is still there till next week
yesterday was kenny last day in tiong
he going to marina
with trumpet
HAHA

back to codes

Like to tell that freak
that stinks with sweat
shut up

when will u get a life?
and move on?

stuck there and claim to the whole world "she didn't move on"
she didn't
emo queen

look at u first


his blog is under my links
Melvin




he blogged

"well.. SOMEONE just can't get the attention off her... emo queen as usual... well.. just when she realizes NO ONE is giving her the attention she seeks.. She start commenting on everyone within her reach.. Whatever la woman ! Go find your attention elsewhere.... You might feel inferior everywhere..."

and his previous post(his own thinking) was

"sometimes I get SO pissed from people who damn well neglect me.. Well.. Those I expect to NOT neglect me ! Its not that I'm an attention seeker or anything.. But the thing is.... I mean... haiyer... not ez to explain... i'm just so pissed... well.. oh well..thats life..sometimes you want his attention so bad.. it gets irritating...nevermind.."



who trying to seek attention then?
laughing

plus
haha i dont quite get it
i read my previous entry last night
and nothing conclude that
oh wells. it is Mr-kick-up-a-big-fuss-of-everything anyway
but of explanation have to come from him
spare me! =)

and to show more of his stupidness

whaha.. and yea.. at least when I have a problem I have someone to turn to to ask questions.... "why not change... WHy not.." WHATEVER... please... look at yourself first... let me turn the tables around.. why not change you woman... why not change for the better woman ? why ? so many whys. its stupid

seems like someone cannot get over my blog
and declares to the whole world he did and i didnt?
it seems very irrating to me for someone like him to point out people faults
when he is filled up much more

why not u change
why not
why not
then..."WADEVER LAH"
amusing
cummong.. u can do much better then that

"she said she couldn't care anymore.. yet she's still hogging to it ! bleah.. wadever !"

who hogging on it
i blogged here coz someone could not get over it
and that someone is sure to find everything to blog about me today
-_-" i am so looking forward


and

"okok.. i'll stop... later someone cry..why don't you wanna explain ?? lost for words ??eh ?! didn't i promise to stop....haha.. okok.. i will..."


i guess? *snickers

me previous entry about facing your mistake and not moving on
and that mr-thinks he right and such a double face got kinda pissed or "WADEVER LAh" coz i guess he feels it is related to him huh
i am so glad i didn't put the name out in my pervious post
or else I wont know that someone else feel that

and that someone else feel pissed because he feels it directed to him?
i write that in spur of moment and i stare at my computer screen and fall deep in thoughts

how would it be like if someone read ur blog
and blog about wad u says?

but no matter wad
i continue to blog about what i feel
how i think
instead of just my daily time table


maybe not like him
like.. " aww.. i hates it when no one give me attn.. but then i am not an attn seeker"
huh? read bewteen lines

or maybe one of his usual stuff of blabbering about others fault as usual
he feel proud that he have someone to turn to in class while i dont have
HAR~!


look back then
and now i'm
i am perfectly fine



alrightttttttt
shall stop here
*yawn

"wadever lah"

i wonder
some people seems to be filled with alot of stuff
but when you see it through
it just a empty shell after all

instead why someone seems so empty out there
but when u see through it
the soul is filled up to brim

wonder why the problems are so obvious
but all that they can do it lick up all that "happiness"
and lie to themself they have everything

wonder why some people never make changes
and only know how to complain all day having stuck in the same problem
when they refuse to budge and give some thoughts

they always have a problem
" er.. i have a problem"
well.. since when you dont?

moving on
then shall give us the right to complain

stucking there
refusing to budge
refusing to change
refusing to solve
only acting it out might seems not good enough

dont we all live for ourself?
how many of you live for others?

heard that
and i wish her all the best of luck
and see her being that
fly so high for your dreams

reach for the moon
even if u cant catch it?
u land on the stars

haha
i like the way they assume
meaning is them

meaning in a way
it is true

meaning NOW i realise
yups. also them

suppose to meet them for supper or rather "drink tea"
at 1030

but i think i skip it
well from the pervious entries
roughly can tell u work was not very fun nowadays
unless me and mei hui starts working together
more over shen zhen is going
Opps.
i should say di di boy friend is going

di di ar... now 17 liao
but still very boy boy like 7 yrs old very navie
just that he know hwo to use "bad words" and knwo hot to hit his brother
but he have a mind of a kid lar

sister say him today
and say he is cute
*haha*

i starting to feel sick of myself
those comments suppose to pull me down
and those childish act suppose to make me cry or so?
but damn
wads wrong with me?
i am laughing inside instead

reading xia xue blog
she real good
fiona that actress even have to close down her blog
partly due to her

and the way she bitch
is classic

today went to work place for a while
see 17 yr old mei mei
and 17 yr old di di

but their gap is wide
in anyways

effects are coming out

and pls dont call them himbo or bimbo
they are too ugly to be one

they are not 17, 18 nor 19

they are 7 8 9 making me rolls my eyes seeing them in a young adult body

in a wreck

but we have plans now

plans are planned
and things are gonna pick up very soon

thank goodness
disaster gonna be avoid
and things are picking up
a team that cant be defeated

grace gonna pick things up from a wreck


last night we had a kinda "last supper"
it was enjoyable

i was dreading to work at first
but it didnt seems that bad after all
kenny cheered me up totally
there a new chef, ah loon number 2.

supper was fablous
we laugh joke plans
we gonna stand strong
just a bit more time

wanted try to be funny with the NEW MANAGMENT
since they wants to take over
but grace dont allow
she wants me to behave sweet girl and good girl
and follow the rules
coz when she back
she gonna raise my pay
and that have to go through the NEW MANAGMENT eventually

i told her i am happy with my pay
and a little trouble i crate
compare to the trouble the create to grace
is nothing

i still thinking

Too much to blog

.work.
it never been this state before
and now things can never be like before
as upset as we are
and i think of grace
i felt so worse then ever
for her
for me
for my collegues
for another passion in life
has died

she dont wish to explain
and there u this big group
although u all stand as one group
with lots of supports
and she stands alone
seems like she at fault and there u all stand migthly
although u push her way off limits
she not gonna fall that easily

for grace
she the best manager u can ever have in your life
and she dont deserve all this shit now

you might be laughing happily
but watch out who gonna have the last laugh


work is _____(insert the worst things that can happen)










things are wrong in my life
but i pick myself up again and again
however my soul fill with wounds
that can be heal no more

U know there this advertisement on TV mobile about some t-shirt bra they song of the advertisement is pretty captivating
but I don't quite understand what so good about that bra

"one piece t-shirt bra"
that was the last sentence

1st) which bra come in 2 or more pieces? I mean all come is just one piece wad
it is not like like one piece for left one piece for right = 2 pieces

so?

2) t-shirt
Erm.. i dunno what does that mean
gonna check out at webs later
damn they got me curious about
ONE PIECE TSHIRT bra

anywayworkwasfineexpectthatmyleghurtsduetothatbloodyshoe
erm?

remember I blabber about that chef i dislike
that one who send away my fav. auntie away
the one who only chef in name
the one whom spend most of his time not working
THAT CHEF!

seee! there must be right reason why i dislike him


well today people form management came down AGAIN
first time i see management people coming down to "interview" the kitchen staff over a chef

and make them X2
coz they came down twice

seems like another auntie gonna quit coz of him
that auntie have to do his job and her job most of the time
and she dislike him intensely
and she handed in her letter and leaving soon

DAMN!
another one
i hope she changes her mind pls!
is not fair!
not fair X100

well..Why am i not surprise
if things were fair
many things will work out better
no wars etc

anyway i am freaking surprise how come he is still there after so many complains
i think people are turning blind
seriously

all i just do
as usual for the new ling
i just sit back and bitch and do nutting this time
no way i goona get in
simply don't feel like anymore

didi got sick and running a fever
and he refuse to go and rest
making ah suan going mad with worries

i got the new JAE book from mei mei
i roughly seen through it
and i think i can do it this time
there were those reasons that pulled me back
and this time there are more reason to back me up
REALLY hope i can pull this through
then i shall have no more excuse

that one of the reason
which i don't feel like explaining
naming out one by one of my reason

"yue miao yue hei"
樾 苗 樾 黑

i think miao is wrong
HAHA

maybe is a good timing
at first it felt upset
not not being to be understood
anger for not even being slightest important

but now
i dunno
nothing i guess
learn many things through out this lesson
Esp certain number of people with their ugly side and *haha* it dont even concern them

maybe there ought to be less assume or hope

something must be wrong
for i feel nothing
i do think back once a while
about back old days
but nope
it wont work anymore that confirm
but it is good it work out this way too

oh wells if everything works to my plan
i shall blurt it out

i think didi gonna go on MC
well today a few of my colleagues starting making fun again
it is kinda funny
but i dun like it

i do like girls to be my friends
but i just prefer guys more

coz

they dont go shopping
and boys more to the point and less scheming i guess?

but i do like girl friends too?
i do like to bitch around at times
do some girly thing(NOT SHOPPING)
haha actually shopping not that bad
i don't hate shopping
but just prefer not to waste my time looking for something I dunno wad it is?
but i dont mind

or maybe i don't look girl enough *rolls eyes*
haha okaayy
back to main point
i prefers boysfriends more i guess
i dunno
but it cannot last very long
coz some stupid rumors and misunderstanding will go on and lead it to be destroy before a strong foundation is on

i really don't understand why there are stupid and naive people who feel that boy and girls cannot be friends and if they are close friends.. That will lead to love

that thrash u tell you
watch too much drama lar

blabbering again
some to think of it
is not the preference of GENDER
but CHARACTER

Tong hua by guang liang is not bad
sis been telling me that
now i am hearing it through ah ru blog
it sound fablous
ah ru holiday reached =(
*jealous
and SHE IS BORED
and me?

oh ya
my brother is such a spoilt brat baby
i confiscate his phone as he been swearing at home and not doing his work but spends time chatting on phone os stupid games.

he started calling everyone **** when he gets mad
which i dont feel he have the right
even me don't do it at home
respect is still important at home
and I don't wish him to grow up acting like a hooligan
when he have a normal family
I don't want that pure and nice brother to turn so nasty that I cant change him later
he might end up in jail for crimes later
and I do not want to see his future to waste

so I just confiscate the phone I brought for him
he kick up a big fuss on 2nd day(today)

screaming in his room
singing songs like broken smile in a BROKEN TONE
irrating us
changing the verse to "give me back my phone"

sure is funny at first
then later he starts to screams and cry
yelling to no one for a bitch
and i got fed up with his attitude
I went in and ask him quit being a baby
and tell him why he deserve it now

and I got yelling
the house treasure heirdom of CANE
just have to be carried out by mom

but he continuing his screaming and accusing
he turn so worse
and it have to be stopped

and mom got too tired and pissed went back to bed
and he continue his screaming for a a hour or so
and slept

damn look at the time now!
i have to go to bed
working tml

One of dad ex-partner of business <--??
came for holiday they are droping by hongkong singapore and indonesia

a couple.
the man is for business
the woman is for holiday

and she seeking home alone first
so now she at my house staying for a night

sis room was suppose to be her guest room for a night
then she bunk in with m
e but it dont make sense since sis room have two bed( bro and hers)




so i! the miss generous!
*laughter here and there
*throw eggs*

gave up my room for a night
*rolls your eyeball now!

then bunk in with bro and sis okay..
quit being miss drama of 2005
Erm.. that not the most interesting event of 25march 2005






i think it is my brother went out for a date








haha I think that ger name is adeline
and mind u!
my brother is only sec1 with only
height of my waist( yah right~)

Awwww soo sweet
my brother was not quite allowed at first
his school work and attitude pissing people off

then he did two assignment for me
in a RUSH
and owning me the summary which is due today and he is not watching some silly cartoon
anyway the point is
he went

and


sis and me make a fuss of his hair
he even went to spike it up
WAHAHAHA
is so freaking cute

coz my brother wear the most sloppy clothes all year round
with the same hair all year round
unless we ask him to spike for some impt events
and this time he actually went to spike his hair

i help my brother with his spiking
which didn't work out the effect I wanted
due to
-no wax only some dumb gel that don't holds
-hair too short.. He cut in the afternoon that idiot




but the point he went to spike his haiirrrrrrrrrr
Ohhh

love does wonders man
AWwwwwww love in the air
love in the Air
in the air
in the air
love in the air

press the red button someone!


haha so we manage to tease him abit before he head off

he went at around 4
came back around 10 plus

Awww 6 hrs of dating
haha
then sis kept teasing him
then we figured she JUST jealous
haha
(she gonna kill me!)

wanted to watch hitch very badly
Damn but i am too lazy to head off to P.S with sis

there u go
i wasted a good Friday

then bucking in with did and bro
we chatted like good old sibling

we fight
we care
we love
we argue

day jie
hweexin
chung aik


------------------------------------------------------
pictures of the day!
well his hair totally didnt work after 6 hrs


home after dating!


blushing as we tease



bunking in





oh and u ought to hear wad my mom says

to my brother
"eh.. why u keep going out with that girl ar.. And the girl why so funny.. Keep asking guys out
only keep going out with guys.. Never go out with girls one?"

Snickers were heard

sis and me burst out
"Aiyo mummy!
is your dear son ask people out one leh.."

then mom roughly get the idea

i remembered once bro went out with her too
then my auntie saw it
and brother saw her too
so during chats with my mom, she mention to my mom

so when my brother was home
she just casually mention who he went out with

not even finishes her sentence
"eh chung aik, u went out to see with mov..."

my brother get defensive
as he know how news go out fast in auntie network

"ya lar. With ger lar
cannot meh
cannot meh
cannot meh!"

mom
*laughing her head off*
"can~ can~"

in a story of the life of Carl Brashear, the first African-American diver, and amputee diver.

Gooding plays Brashear, who as a boy always loved to swim. In the 60's, he signs up for the navy, and ships out. Eventually 2 years afterwards, Brashear enters diving training school, where the diving veteran Leslie W 'Billy' Sunday trains his men.

Faced with more racism than ever before, Brashear gives his all, and tries to be and give, the best he can. Along his journey for respect, he meets a Wisconsin non-racist named Snowhill (Michael Rapaport) and his future wife, a librarian (Aunjanue Ellis), who supports Brashear all the way.

The acting in Men of Honor was superb, DeNiro's character is played out perfectly, and Gooding's with honor. The one thing about this film that makes it great is the characters. They have emotions.

They've all got a past that we see resurface during sequences in the film. Another thing that's great about this film, is that we do actually care about the characters on screen. Too many movies are released today that do not let us care about the characters.

The screens will roll on, and we are not really permitted to see the characters inner feelings, or emotions. The camera purposely cuts before the characters emotions are shown. Instead we just think to ourselves, 'When will this be over?'

However, Men of Honor is the exact opposite. Tillman did a good job of letting us feel all the characters pains, weaknesses, and emotions, as the roll out on the big screen.The character of Billy Sunday is himself a bit of a racist. You can tell by his face, he doesn't always like treating Brashear bad in the film, but in a way must, so he may have the honor of others.

If he did act like he had pity, and sympathy towards Brashear, his career would end. On the other hand, much to his insults, slanders, and not having the equal respect of others, Brashear never gives up.

From the wise words of his father in the beginning of the film, Brashear takes them to heart and lives them out.Brashear's real life is wonderfully portrayed in this film. I'm not sure how much of it is true, but I guess a pretty good amount is.

It doesn't seem like the kind of Hollywood film where the background event is true, but the facts are wrong (i.e. Titanic). Even if so, Men of Honor is still interesting to watch, and is truly great drama. I've seen better drama, but I think this turns out to be one of the best of 2000. It is a powerful and moving film, that is the true definition of a great picture. 4/5 stars.JOHN ULMER


okay.. i know u guys just scroll down
and yawn through not bothering

but for me?
just want to say the movie i just caught

men of honor on tv5 is a moving and powerful film...the true definition of a great picture

if u catch it and saw the whole story without yawning
you know what i mean

since sometime i caught such a movie where the lead actor carried out the emtions and story out so real and make u totally absorb in that black life

and hit u with an powerful impact after he give his best and touched peopel hearts

okay i know u skip the top so..
this story is about

a black guy joining the navy
ended up just a cook at first due to racism, same as the others black

got some certain reason
all black can only be cook
they can only swim on tuesday -.-"??
they can only live at the bottom bucks
they can never mingle with the whites

black dont fit in the white
and black is nigger
while white is pure

damn the society!

he prove himself worth while and got promoted by his non-racist trainer whom saw his talent and guts

then he mark his goal and despite so many obstacles blocking and pushing him back
he made it

then as he turn a sucessful diver
as he starts to enjoy the prime of his carrer
but he broke half his leg due to an accident as he save his collegues

end of dream?
no
( i was thinking it was the end of a glory story)

he cut his whole leg off ( gasp!) and put a "fake" one in
he then trains himself to be as "normal" as he could
going back to his dreams

as much as one of the superiors whom look down on him
he made things difficult for him
but there he stand strong

i cant describle well to tell you how strong impact it hit me
how damn freaking "real" that guy acted his part out

for the first black to graduate from the navy
and the first person who went back one "legged" to navy

he didnt give up
and stand strong even for 9 years with only one leg

http://italian.imdb.com/title/tt0203019/

arghhh
just catch it dudes

finally went to read that xia xue blog
well
she kinda amazing huh
she got her job on "today" because of her blogging

she was voted as some top blogger in hongkong
average of few thousands visit hee blog daily
her ranting are kinda special and unique

but bimbo

here in lab trying to doproject
but there worm face is trying to play games

and having that fucking laughter and yelling
fuck u and ur fucking game and ur fucking laughter
just coz u wanna fail dont mean i wan
go away ur fucker and play ur fucking game home or somewhere
stop al the fucking laughter banging and yelling

fuck you

i am trying to do my project and this lesson is about doing out projects
so fuck off with ur game and not disturb

Too much to blogg

bowling with them
project with Pj
meeting up at last paper
feeling guilt
didi bday cumming
examsss
work
last day
deadlines
Argh!

qin got sp
mei mei got sp
di di got nyp
me?

may
-dread (work)
-enjoy (school)
-hope (sch & me)

laterrrr just wana remind myself

she shall never be able to fit in
no matter how
but she still useful

just reach home
arhh no time no time no time

Projects lar
stupid digital circuit

met mei hui for lunch
her friend seems nice
mixed blood

and those people are annoying, irrating and bloody rude
have a problem again?

mei hui having study week next week already!
Ngee Ann having holiday already!
Ting holiday gonna finish
*jealous freak
haha

15 April ya?
gonna hit marina and chong all day

Damn 2 more weeks and i can fly so high up

i stuff my face to my pillow and scream
o.O

listen to 98.7 in the morning
morning madness
very entertaining
love the way grace laugh

gotta run for Vb project

we llthe yare ofth esam ekin dan way disg ustm e mo rethe nev er
ho pethe endup tog ether an dsuff erth esam efa te

no oen gonna decide ow i writes
sos hitt hos epe ople
co dingo f min e

TML!!!
Argh.. nervous
will she be a nice lady?
but i dont wish to explain so much either
my hopes are high though

di di birthday coming up
Stella if ya reading this
we are forcing u to come and join the celebration
*grins*

all that evils ideas pouring out!

3 weeks

My journey had been long. i do not regret it. at times, it has been dark, a perilous course at other times, a joyous dapples with sunlight. it had been hard more often than easy

i have been both wise and foolish. i have been loved, and betrayed and abandoned. and much to my depair i have unwittingly wounded others much does other do to me

some sentences from danielle steel

never knew why my friends love her book so much til recently i caught up with her world
nice. =)

Shoo!

blogged something but was not publish
oh wells
forgot to save

i forgot what was it about anyway
as usual
wrote and forgot unless things reminds me

*tuesday*
day of hope!
pray it goes well man!

yesterday wad quite a great day for me i guess
though had school
but was short

work totally brought me up
been taking cabs too many times for work
just by that few seconds i missed the bus
plus school too
just wish to get over it
and not wanting to see ppl there
but still dont wish to be barred or anything else

dad was pretty surprising today
he was not working today
then started meddling abit too much till family was pissed
but when he was very nice to me
i guess after all that strains he knew i had

but when i finish work
he came specially to pick me up
i guess he roughly know how depress and tense i had been
so came to pick me from work

then before i think the words are out
i told him i promise my colleugues for supper
lennon going malaysia for holiday but promise to stay for supper
di di knocked off earlier but promise to have supper
so i just told my dad i going to have supper first and ask him to head home

and i felt bloody guilty when he left
Freaking guilt just came all up
but wells wad is done is DONE

then i went supper
turn out dad didnt went home
he went walking around till i almost finish
and waited at the bus stop for me

Freaking touched
and more guilt came up

so i decided to open up more to my dad about what happen
i guess it turn out to be better?
it worked and dad told me some advice along the way home

mom and dad were pretty concern i guess
been best to me

mom been checking if anyone studied somethign like mine
to get some tutions for me
so wont be so lost

nice and sweet plus caring pluss more and moreee
haha love them much
i mean not much parents really do that
although there are!

people at work
those whom are really close with me been worried for me
no one can help me coz i am alone in class
so they dont have to really feel guilty for not helping much
but they cheered me up lots
they are really concern

talking to di di last night
physco him to stay coz i wants to change to full time when holiday comes
$$$$$$$$$
but he is quitting soon

then he also roughly knows what been happening
then i didnt know he took it so serious
he called me up to cheer me up
then jokes around
feeling depress and stress that he cant help much

but i didnt knew
he went to ask mei hui to "Take care" of me
to pei me make me happier
haha
so cute eh

totally shocked to know that they were
i didnt even say much

then make mei hui guilty and worried also
she waited one hour extra to have supper with me

then as we went home
we decided to play a prank on di di
called him and told him i gonna commit sucide or wad

ha dumb i know
goofing
dying to know what he will say
then mei hui also have to use her phone to call all tt
felt abit guilty coz we play the prank quite long
then her bills
haha the idiot thing is di di knows about it
and play along
haha no fun

but in the end mei hui sms him
tell him dunno what i still in mad or something like that
then di di keep calling my phone and i didnt realise it
then he ask mh for my hse number
and called my hse

haha i picked up and say i was not in
haha was kinda in shock
the di di also thought it wasnt me
haha

then i went to see my phone
-.-" about 10 miss call

decided to go bath then call him

then we chatted til around 4 i think?
haha he told me many stuff making me laugh till my tears came

chatted with banana just now
okay so now i got a better pictures of what happen
but eh? i dont feel should give up yet
and i loves the way he bitch about her
and talk to me like we have no links of her
and of coz get to know alot things i didnt know

but hopes he dont give up so soon yet
at least he did loves something in her
was NOT A MISTAKE instead

then also told him my plan
haa he supported me
Wah! then he told me the easier way
DAMn didnt know it!
SOMETHING WRONG WITH 1987 EXECPT some ppl

kinda glad i dont have to resort to that
i mean what they are doing
*rolls eyes*

Yups. freaking mature eh?
haha give u something some things to blog about when i finish blogging
copy paste copy paste
even typo error also can become one of it
*laughter
well they have the times and mind to do that
why not?
ya?

didnt catch my sarcasm
but even tot it was cool?
haha

eh lar lor he hor
but.. SO?


loves to stalk my blog but hates what been written

if u cant get over it
then dont pretend to

chatted with di di last night
haha just decide to tease him
cause he be quitting soon for his english exams
just decide to dee siao him abit

didnt know i strike up so much guilt
that he even resort calling me in the end

Couldnt stop my laughter after that

*getting sian in work soon
lots of people are gonna transfer
grace showed us the map of marina
there is a need to kneel down and gals have to wear those Jap type of uniform
but i can be excuse though
hurt my leg already

but dont think i will be going there to help
di di also think so
i doubt mei hui wants to now


last night work was pretty funny
credits goes to peter Pan~
he shocked veron so much

"let me do it! baby~"
All burst out laughing forgetting we are at work


Dad went out and let me sleep all i wanted
he got the warning letters but he didnt blame me or qns me
i already told him all of it
just have to be careful about school them

tuesday will be the day of hope
Pray that everything will goes well

as the rest stand as one
whatever they say shall be supported by each other
but that does not meant what they say are right

they told me some schemes i should had use right from the start
but then
i didnt wanted
or maybe i didnt even knew of it

but all i know is that i dont care now

read qin blog
Hey~ like what u say in my tagged alright
dont let those stuff get too much in your head too
you dont need that to make u feel confident

Did I employ a English teacher for my blogging

or

do people have nothing to do but go and check up ur grammar spelling just to push u down?

lucky i got better things to do
opps*
is "luckily i got better things to do"

just need to admit something that i dont care can actually make people feel good cause they "win"?
*laughter and more

people just don't feel good that u are not pushed down when they are trying to push u down
and when u ignore them and don't feel like explaining
coz there are much more better things to do
they say they "win" and feel happy about it
cause to them nothing to say is "losing"

if u continuing to say
they says tt u creating a mess more and more
and they point at you and say you should stop

so?

continue as usual LArrr

And go ahead and correct my english
since u love to stalk my blog and hates it

Wadeverrrrrrrrr
haha go ahead
say it

why did i even waste two entry for it?
waste of time

I dun have time for such people
nor do i did to explain my stand at times
try harder please


----------------------end of bloody people topic--------

Today was a better day i would say
went for work
was okayyyyy
but di di make me lol ..and peter pan too~
then talk to di di about my school stuff

dad was very nice and fatherly today
i think he went abit cranky at home
coz he not working today then meddling with everyone till they abit pissed off

but he was so sweet and nice to me
felt very touched
he came to work place to wait for me
but i already promise the rest supper so i ask him head home

then i went supper
then in the end actually dad didnt went home
he want walking around
then about time i finish supper he wait for me at bus stop

so sweet right?
then we talk along the way home
not *duhs* about those people
dont wish to bother nor make things okay

talk about what i intend to do
dad shall support me in what i want in the end
*nice*

then my mum also tried asking people if anyone study about the same course as mine
to give me tution so that i can pass and get over it

Awww so nice
i am so thankful for them
every time i reach home
they ask me my day
if anything else happen

if something did
like eg. melvin or bloggie stuff
then i i tell them about it
then they tell me to ignore

they tried asking to say everything out
but i refuse
that not the point anymore

so now they kept telling me not to go and listen and read stuff
i trying

chatting with ting
she been reading all blogs
guess....

some things are better left unsaid but does not mean that u can say anythign you want

duh~ of course something did happen
and do u really want to know??

that range is not about gay lar
sorry ar? poor english unlike YOurs
range meaning that time those who stands by him

dont need to explain much either
keep that sweet to yourself

Ting.. U should roughly know who tagged right?
I am not surprise at all
not even shocked nor angry nor upset

of coz something happen that why i blogged about it
something happen in VB regarding some nick and some others matters before hand
just that i dun have all the time in the world to blog about it
i shall if i get to

sorry to disappoint
i not that shallow
just coz i been alone in class that why i wana pull someone in the picture
hello? that dont even make sense
and make that person worse so that i can feel better?
u feel better making some one worse then u?
maybe u

argg.. shouldnt even explain

as ya listen to the song

Shining friends

a little faith,
brightens up rainy day
life is difficult you can go away
don't hide yourselves in a corner
you have my place to stay

sorrow is gonna say goodbyeo
pens up you see the happy sunshine
keep going on with your dream
chasing tomorrow sunris
ethe spirit can never die

sun will shine,my friend
won't let you cry, my dear
seeing you, shed the tear
make my world disappear

you never be alone in darknesssee my smile,
my friendwe are with you holding hands
you have got to believeyou are my destin
ywe meant to be your friends
that's what a friend should be!

wanted to blog to rebute
then decide not to waste my space
not worth
________________________________________

back to old self
yesterday was pre celebration of christine
today is her offically birthday but cant celebrate today though

happy 18 and happy 6 yrs of friendships~!

we went sakae
shit i getting bored of the food there already

then we chatted about poly class
hers seems not very good also
the poeple are pretty selfish over there
and mine not any better then hers
worse to be in fact

i know she be there when i am down and so will i be
both of us are around stuck with the same thinking
hopefully we can pull trhough this
i mean the poly and course thing

stuck in a course we dislike
Argh~

then we chatted quite also of stuff then took photos around
goofing
haiz a little disapointment was i bought a cd she had already
but seems like different version

then the there this very pleasent surprise as we were catching out bus home
i saw my primary school best friend whom i never stopped missing
we were soo happy and surprise we hugged right away
haha missed her so much
then i think she didnt do as expected but still can hit poly larrr

have to do some email thing to sas people liao


*if u r not then dont explain so much

haha have plans to go bonkers after exams
exams not here planning for fun already~!
the old gang of us will be meet outttt
too bad my last paper later
then ah ting gonna start school alreadyyy

haha
i feel so good now

all i need to do it point 0ut some little facts
let me hear about him BLAHINg as usual tml
i can already hear that
but i be rolling my eyes up


and if i want to use someone to console myself
it will be not be somemore like that
using u make me feel not good
i dun want to even be anythign same line as you

haha but i feel half console
coz talking about people less worthy makes u feel good generally
meanio

go on
i am reading

an insult to others of your own range

i wonder why
why that at certain entry was regarding someone
for example.. person M

but then people like ,a,f,y will think is them
and the problem is
i found what i wrote got no link to them at all

then why did they think is them?
i guess. guilty huh?


i know why
coz i didnt mention name and make it more specify
if plans going alright
i blurt it right out
and leave that tent

and shut up about me being emotional

at first i might pity him

first people insult him
then make it like he desperate
then people go his tag board and do mean stuff

i was thinking.. isnt that too mean???
even blog about it

NOW I KNOW WHYYYYYY
WHYYYY i knowwwwww

at first i wonder
why only 1st week and dislike was going on
although not strong

then i know why
after projects it seems more clear

then dislike seems on the air
everyone then knows

now he talk
"arr.. wadever larrr"
just keep quiet

go ahead and be a loner
but dont disturb me

i am not you
and i am thanking god for it!
even if i am siting aloneee
dun sit near me
it make me feel i stinks

THANK YOU GOD!!!!

EEE u stay away from me
even i have to be alone
i also dun wannnnnn to be near youuuu
unless no choice


at least i am coz of certain events
butttttt uu dun even need eventsssss


i just cant pretend after people hurt me and go round being thick skin to talk to them like nutting happeeennn
Ohsssss so sad

that not how i gain my friends
unlike __________

RUNNN!!!

EEK!

Birthday girl with the cutie smile



LAtterrr i shal talk more?
spotlight on her todayyyyyy

gonna upload all the pictures i had and talk about fun later

gonna chat with my sibling nowwww

just wanan say
CHIRSTINEEEEEEEE HAPPY 18th in 1 and half hours time!

awwww.. such happy times
and a pleasent surprise in the end

oh ya.. we figures wad bimbo are

boobs and no brains
feel everyone is in wrong except she is
felt that everyone else is ugly
no sense of guilt
like to pretend to be hardworking kind friendly
and everyone shall be "lied" by her
and..............
more to come...
when he finish his list i shall publisshhhh

and eh!
they dun only exist in NP okaaay!

well.. at least thay have looks







only.

latteeerrrr i be back

Last night as i slept
i harbour alot of good and new thoughts
so good that i was smiling to sleep
haha idiotsss

then in school
i am thankful that i dont have to pretend.
and had my own space

suddenly i remeber last semster had this though
how much i wish to..
i am glad at least i am not alone on the surface
funny ling coz
today ling been
happy that she sit alone today

i dunno why
i yearn for it at times
and today nothing bothers me at all
i felt throughly glad they no one took that sit near me
it only hit me after class that i was sitting alone
ha weird
i guess too into my new book

as i look into some people
alone right underneath
and not alone on both sides


glad i dont have to get used to be alone
coz i didnt quite like it
coz i never experience it
glad.

Ah wells
some things shall never change
even when it seems to?
it didnt'

well at least i am glad i started poly in a good way

guess it was all thanx to last night
coz been comparing myself to blah blah
that i feel more alone when i compare'

well then today
this new me (kinda?)
didnt comapre anything
i guess those who compare are those who felt really ____ that why they wana compare with others so that it seems they are not so ____ but the more they say they more i feel theyu are _____ plus again surface onlyyyyyyyyyyy

i duno wad ______
i really dont
just inset anythign u like
just that this new thinking hits me
after being that not-me for around 2 weeks

but then i think it happen coz oflast night
thinking were sort out
things didnt change
it is kinda same

it look all the same larr...

haha now i scrrroolll up
and have no idea what i been ranting about

Oh wells.

i guess dislike just stays
even it seem on surface not

.surface and underneath.


ARGHHH SHUT UP LIAO LAr


today went my parents
can describle how i felt that mom and dad wanna do everything to lighten me up

they wana go this do that for me
FOR ME
FOR ME
FOR ME
i felt very nice be a daughter of my parents

making meeee feel i am not aloonneee
surprise how it grips them so fast witrhin seconds to know my day

not many parents do that
but there are
all right i shut up

keke. it felt good.

that my ranting for the day

make an ASS out of U andME

*put the words in bold together

i have two favourites auntie that never fail to make me smile
and make me feel like i am their daughter

they never fail to detect my day
within 5 mintues
and i dont even have to tell them anything


awwwww
now i am burying myself in work
finding back my old self anywhere but school

well all thnx for ?
yuck.

glad i vented it out
\ting and christ?
read my previous entry
is for u all
to go there
sms me kay

totally brainless

i wonder how people err.. tend to discuss about other people?
then later conclude the person.
i never confortable with that
although i listen and just give some comments usually
i only conclude what i see and what i feel.

learned that lesson from work before.

anywaayy
well u just dont have to know
and i just dont have to explain

today
i find that my mom and dad
loves me
i always knew that
but today they really just talk about it
but i guess it okay already
i just need to wait
then i can do my plan
hopefully getting approve
mom even supported me in something i cant even support myself yet
totally sweet.

but should i?
i talk to christine about it
we both on same boat
rather~

out with christine tomorrowwww!!
had that plan ages ago already then finally!


ponders should i go for gems?
i think they gonna present or what
but i didnt really particate in the project
oh wells... i think i am not going

tml meetin peijing for her data com stuff
then gonna ask her stuff too
wells

oh ya. back to track.
one of them of leaving
just because she got the guts to mention that our chef now totally sucks
i mean is so obvious at first
every one didnt welcome him already
he spend his time sitting down doing paper work
he spends most time doing nothing much
then he like to work according to his mood
totally asshole
he even like to boss over service stuff

he heard what she said that day
and totally scold her right in front of everyone
like he people have no pride and feelings
then in the end he also have to go thru "councel" from our manager

but the fucked thing he could last do
somethign i despise him for
he tranfer her to another outlet
and she can never come back
coz of him

mei hui and me was totally shocked at what has he done
i mean do u have to go to that stage of letting her leave everyone she knows, work, laugh with?
why not go reflect our yourself
there must be something wrong with u
why not u go!
bloody
why do to this kinda stage?
what right do u have to isolate her in a way!
just coz u are the head of the kitchen now!
she make new friends at new place!
based on her bubbly character
and you
will sink u lesser and lesser people beside you

and u!
will one day
feel ten time worse
coz someone will do it to u
u are just A chef
u might be hurting her now
but then
u will be hurt in the end
with that sicking character is in you
someday someone gonna blow you up
she might fail coz she have no back ups
but u just wait
people will do it to you one day too
and then
dont need feel upset
coz u did that to others also

Arghh pissed at him
when i though work could be better after a long horrible day
then i know she leaving
and today last day somemore!

hugged her tight when she left
knowing our of my smile will go with her

most kept quiet today

what next? eh?
dad so worry for me
wish i dont have to let them worry

after work went for supper as usual
i finally laugh and be myself
my old self

haha kenny and mei hui just make me feel so good
haha
loves the way they crapped
love the way how things remain at there

but i can already count the losing of fun already
at work
for school.. unless i can get with my plan then i shall be free

at work.
stella gone already
di di gonna quit around may
ah bee gonna hit marina around may
ah suan leaving to wheel lock
auntie ah peng already left today

now left kenny mei hui lennon and ah fong.
plus grace say she wont be cumming often to tion after marina often

BOOOooos.
next year
things gonna shine!

coz its bitches

sHOO!!!

stop reading my blog

hars..

wad happen today?
why was I feeling that
Wad was that feeling
Off to another blog
in case some people have some heart attack
and go against my blog

not every one read my blog is brave ya?

Shoo me!
off to another blog


oh ya decided already.
is too much
so i am not.

so many been stalking my blog
haha kinda shocked for a moment

i know people read
alot people does
but not much sharing their comments with me
which i kinda fine for me i guess?
i dont really need those comments
plus i come to understand not all have the guts to do that

those cowards only dare to use stupid nick tp cover their name

i remember telling someone
the name dont matters the content does
but i prove myself wrong
if it was just someone who like "none of ur business"
come and tAlk about it
like they know it all

sorry i got no time for such people

sorry
if i kinda tell u about it
it is just the rough side of it
i dun wish to go to details
and why should i?

i dun feel like wasting time on it
asking myself why did he or she tagged that

i came to this stage
which i am still feeling the pain
but kinda numb with it

time not healing
but rubbing the wounds with salt
all over and over
from monday to friday

i came to the stage
which i already dont even feel like explaing
what happen
isnt it already over
nothing much to say

and i dont feel like listening either

to all the 3th party
my classmates cum friends
been saying
"err... i know wad happen.. but i dun wish to interfer.."
i am pretty cool with that
if u decide not to
then dont ever do it
is nice not to


thnx for smsing
"eh.. read ur blog... haiz.."all the console"
cheer up"

thnx it helps
guess i walked till now
thnx for pulling me up
when i keep falling


it dont have to be lots
in fact i only remeber those whom i really felt the concern
there just this few people


but for now
i dont have to explain further
the best person who knows about everything
is ting

she whom i todl everything
every detail
eveyr word
with no hiding
with no entertain mode

she who stand by them
and tell me how it is

but also she
tells me not worth saving
she also no me no solutions

not only she
the facts and examples tell me so
gonna face up
i think i gotta to

tears are threatening to spill at moment
dont over do it
and make me hates
dont make that day come


making it unapproachable
so dont blame me
i been trying so hard to reach
but now thigns turn to this mess
every single things tell me
"no ling. why bother?"

ya right i dont wish to bother either
just as long as i dun have to face them
most of the time

it affect me so badly
that now people around me
are starting to get worry
i didnt know it affect me that huge
that make others getting affected by me also

i hates it when ting tell me
i cant do much
i hates it when ting tells me why
i hates it that she right
i wish she wasnt
but she is


ARrrrrrr
someone tells me what to do to get out of this mess i am sinking in
dont tell me same old stuffff though

At time life is like a chess play
when ur first step go wrongs
everything will go wrong too

been thinking
although i now how to solve it
although i know how to prove it
although i have alot unsaid

but now?
do i want to solve it
do i want to prove it?
do i want to say it

they make me realise something more
something tells me
not friends.

coz there is nothing under that name

thnx christine
thnx

Aww u bimbo says:
AWW just shut up or blog with name lar then dont cause people to beee so confuse.. if you got the guts to comment
then dare to name
.. cowards!
still blame people!

boo! just shut up says:
.... irrated huh?

haha
that was part of what we were saying
she one striaght forward lady i know
if she irrated with the way people blog
and causing tons of stuff

*i think she got misunderstood b4
but not sure is she misunderstood people
or people does that to her

but damn she right in a way


she was refering to everyone
including me
in fact she was scolding me

i deserve it man
haha

so i decided blog with names
i am blogging this
to tell the rest too
or just shut up



Awwwww.. like you are not getting emo like that
OppS! off to there

It is an earth sign, which means Virgo people are practical and industrious, yet adaptable, with a remarkable eye for detail.


Like the true virgin, most Virgos are shy and, like a virgin waiting to give herself to the perfect lover, Virgo is also idealistic. Disappointment, however, can harden you into a cynic and a skeptic. Virgo consequently becomes quite critical with self as well as circumstances, due to the effect of such disappointments on a sensitive and discriminating nature.


Service-oriented Virgo seeks to improve the environment, by pursuing careers in health-related fields, or in other structured areas such as teaching, labour relations, or counselling. Intensely personal situations can be somewhat inhibiting, but other circumstances can produce a very dynamic Virgo indeed. Hmmm. Virgo, a feminine sign, is fastidious, practical and realistic rather than romantic. Flexible Virgo, a mutable sign, readily adapts to change. Instinctively responsive to the needs of others, you readily adapt to different people and changing circumstances by finding ways to make yourself useful. When the spotlight is not aimed directly at you, but on a product or a service you offer, you make an excellent salesperson, or effective negotiator and can be a good manager, though you should avoid being too critical of those who cannot match your high personal standards.

Now some Virgoans are not above using an inability to achieve perfection as the excuse for their own idleness and unproductiveness. Tut, tut. This is out of character with your true nature. Sloppy, disorganized, and irresponsible is not the Virgoan Way.
>

Able to talk your way into or out of anything, you are generally perceived to be quite witty and entertaining, if a tad too critical and prone to hypochondria. You are unwilling to discuss your innermost feelings with anyone save a very trusted confidante, so anyone who wishes to get to know you deeply must be prepared to persevere, in which case you will prove a lifelong friend and all


Virgoans are characterized by preciseness, refinement, fastidious love of cleanliness, hygiene and good order. They are usually modest, observant, shrewd, judicious, critical, patient, sensible and tend toward conservation. They have an excellent eye for details but they may so meticulous that they neglect larger issues. And they are such perfectionists that, if things go wrong, they are easily discouraged. Outwardly they are emotionally cold and self-concealed. They do not easily trust others, nor do they have confidence in themselves and their judgments.

>

Virgoans are modest and shy, and they always think twice before taking any action. So they don't easily fall in love. And they tend to long for platonic love. So it would annoy them if their partner take sex as first priority. In marriage they are genuinely affectionate, making good spouses and parents.

Virgoans work better as subordinates than leaders.

Responsibility irks them and they often lack the breadth of strategic vision that a leader needs. Their minds are such that they need the stimulus of practical problems to be solved rather than the mere routine or working to set specifications that>need no thought. Suitable careers include surveying, bookkeepers, accountants,
>secretaries, doctors, nurses, teachers, critics.


Positive Expression: This is the sign of intellect, reasoning power and the quickness of the mind. Virgoans are mentally sharp, analytical, industrious and well organized. They are also well known for their efficiency, helpfulness and usefulness. The ability to focus on details makes them the 'craftsmen' of the zodiac. Their written and spoken skills are excellent and their clarity of thought is enviable.


Negative Expression:

The constant search for perfection and their highly structured minds makes these natives incapable of relaxing.

They also can be overly fastidious and picky. The same quality that makes


Virgoans such good craftsmen can cause them unhappiness in their private lives, since nothing on this world can meet their impossibly high standard.

Virgos are the most remarkably perceptive and creative people.

No sign of the zodiac has more insight, intelligence and discrimination.

Virgos would easily be the most dangerous and powerful people on the planet were it not for one thing; They can become terribly introverted. Their power of analysis is supposed to be used for the good of humanity and when all that perspicacity is focussed on themselves, they become crippled.

do u dare to tagged after u read?

yups.

people tend to think that whatever u blog
is about them
well.. there must be some kind of related links to make them feel that?
because at some thing u say
hit them big time
something u say make them feel is about them

why?
because there are some facts lying around?
because they are at vulnerable stage
they feel that alot is related to them

mira right
maybe i should stop being emo.(emotional)
but at time I cant help it
I read Clive blog
alia blog
then Mira blog

some how it links?

sorry if u hate emo person
i am not usually like this
but at this stage
i am
just am

i also wish
i can not be like so emo
i wish i can dont give a pretty damn about what people write
even if it is about me or not

i wish i can live in my own mighty world
and think for myself
not for others
i wish no words can bring me down from heaven
i wish i dont have to think so much

but pur pls

cant help
at times
i really dont care
but here
now
i do
i just do




((insecure))


i dunno what people are thinking
feeling like insecure inside
squriming

going round felt like interviewing
"eh u! how u think of me"
that i get the answer
and determine what kinda person u are
then i know what kinda friend i can be for u

i hear and know too many people thinking to scare me

i dunno what kind of person
can i joke with
play with
talk with

i dunno if i talk and get friendly
the person might think i am being over friendly
or worse
think that i am interested in him or her
or think
i am desperate

i seen too many cases
people who live in their mighty world
while i have tread along their toes

said.
the biggest flaw in me
is i cant help but to
care abit too much of what people thinks of me

in a way like people say
"lingz putting troubles herself"
well is not i dont know that sometimes i do
but you just cant helps it?

stop talking about the problem
talk about the solution
it just runs inside
i have already woken to know that fact
but i dunno how to get rid of it
it runs inside

but i also felt that
some things should be thought before hand
little things make up big things

but at times
i also felt like screaming
to da person face and say
"U THINK WAD! I LIEK TROUBLES! U THINK I LIKE TO LIVE AT TIMES OF SADNESS!
U THINK I WANT TROUBLE!.. FANCY SAYING I CREATE MY TROUBLES LIKE THEY ARE MONEY I WANT OR WAD"

i understand and i dont

i started understand abit
after talking to my god brother
my cousin
and my friend
and also
people blog

my god brother told me,
he dont believe in blog
coz either people blog about their timetable of the day
which is pretty boring for him

or
people who blog about their true feelings
he says
" in the past without blog, do people dare to voice out how they feel? wasnt things better then?"

i kept numb?
partly is true

plus he said
some things should like be voice out

totally true for that
at times u just feel this way
how many times u felt angry at a point
but does it stays forever?

like i said (again)
some feelings shouldnt be turn to words
coz people read it
they determine u to it
and shit those people

see how much bloggin already cause me ?
thanks got rui was smart

i not cry
till i see the coffin lay
(chinese saying)

i forgot
there are times i wanted to close this blog
coz i felt ______(all the above i said)
then i knew this wil lead me to trouble in the end

why did i ignore that nagging in me
why did i listen to people who ask me not to
why did i not stay strong and close it down

i dont like daphne in some ways
i felt confuse at first
i love her in some ways
so do i not in some ways

then i felt confuse
using
black and white
right or wrong
friends or not
that kinda thinking


but now i learn something more important
from people
even if you dont like the person
it dont mean u cant be friends with her or him
when at the point u dont like him or her
just ignore
just remember the times when u love the person

i wish i knew that sooner
b4 i did hurt people

i know i hurt people first
but i was hurt in process too
much more hurt then others

and now
at the time where i been hurt

i realise something bee peng say was true
at the point where i was mad at ee mei
coz she like trying to make me not have friends by gossiping one by one to all my friends
then i found out and stop it

bee peng used to dislike her before too
i think ee mei did something to her
about mirc stuff
i think ee mei use her name or wad
but in the end she forgive her

i ask her why?
she told me
when she was in primary school
she was once very lonely
coz i think someone treated her badly and isolate her
and now she feels that no one should be alone
or deserve to be
that why she talk to people who are alone
she feels that no have have the rights to make another person upset

that why she forgive ee mei
at the point she lost friends

now i do understand
when people been through that stage
of being alone
they will know

for people who didnt
had enjoy all their lifes with friends
u are just lucky
or maybe u had a character everyone likes
so u never know
how is it to go to place
with a heavy heart every day
how it was to be alone

to see people laughing being happy without u
and see yourself alone
to feel that extra emotions goin through
your heart
your mind
your body

that kinda people
properly never been through it
that why dismissing people are emo gurl or boy
i done that before
dismissing people through my own thinking
i promise i never will!

back to track
somehow it links

like what mira says
how people who read her blog
maybe 5 will think it is her or him

i think it is me
saw that tag
worries*

but then i think
of the people u know
lets say out of 10
4 are freaking selfish

then u blog about about someone selfish
then the 4 would read
will think is them
and start defending
like what ting say in doodle board
is their rights i a way
cant blame them
cant blame you either


i change back to my old blog and deleted my old entries
well at least some i say

at least i still have that another blog
where i can unleash myself totally
no needing to think too much of what people feel about me
or the mess i might create without knowing

here i am to say
i am thankful to rui and ting and christine
and my family
i think dad and mom knows something wrong
they have been xtra nice and talk to me
it felt nice to be cherish

hah i just say about hope not to be emo ya?
and here i go talking about everythings

maybe suddenly after watching sixth sense
or was it that sars movie
or was it mira and clive and xue-er blog
or was it my god brother
or was it xiao gang
or was it what i been through?

i just manage to think it through

i have a promise to keep on monday
but mira says have to do project
oh wells.
one step nearer or further

somehow notice things from words

like bee peng
"somethigns changes, and it can never return to back to old times"

cant help but to agree it more then evere
it was gone
u know people more
can u go back to where u fall?

like nate
" u only notice ur true friends, when u fall"

cant help to agree again
my thinking
is when u fall
then u know the true friends that understand you
and will pull u up

the suddenly i remember qi qiang blog something liek this
"i miss my old friends, poly friends are just luch and projects mates not real friends"
and i was in a bliss of friendship
told him he was wrong
now i know i was wrong

u cant fit it there
u just cant

like mandy and ting
i rouhgly knows what happening(abit)
but i dunno who really right or wrong
but then
i only know

friendship started out with something greater behind it
must had been friends coz of certain reasons

rena words hit be greater
"so u think friendship can be given up by just blogging"
somethign like that

that struck me

why people say friends for life?
are friends for life?

i can only say
once someone steps in your life
the footstep cannot be erased

ended.

told u coz u ask
u asked
coZ thought u'rs concern
not to let u think wadever-u-want-to-think
seriously leh i like u in another way

and i dont need people standing by me
i dont like someone just coz he or she stand by me

i like the fact
is coz u change my thinking
of the contorl people
anf my feelings

not coz i feel u stand by me
in fact i think u didnt
in fact i am not so sure
i dont even think abt it
is it impt?

shock me more now
was talking abt someone else larr
in fact
nutting to do with me
about my friend blog and her tag board

then people guilty mode
thinking is them
then start striking

is it all just abt me then?

Just wanna say thanks to people like Shaun, Kerrie and Simon. Its amazing how God puts people like them in your life when you really need them the most.

Oh well. Thanks for the listening year.. and the stream of valuable advices.
Its indispensible. Well you guys have definately helped me though this period of time.Well just as you guys said.

Its a times like this when you really know who cares for you and stuff.. and who are you real true friends.

Now that you've said.. think i pretty much figured some stuff out. Like how i don't really need some people.. cos everything's just so superficial. So yeah.. now i know. So the rest of you people can think or say whatever you like.

I dont really care man.

from a friend blog again
copyyy and passstteee
i swear
something wrong with rabbit year
he is frm 1987 tooo

read few person blog
oh talk only
but then scared of getting into it
then dont even really dare to understand
then talk like know it all

rui ehx
not everyone damn brave huh?

but of coz
duno better not anyhow say things
afriad to know
NOT wanting to get in the mess
then dont say if ya dunno anything

nah not talk abt u lar

to be continue........

picture of the day

the most GAY!


tat kenny lar
that retarded that taught me alot things and making fun of me
buttt
never fail to make me laugh

eWwwww



look at the below two pictures
Lennon trying to act cute in both

grannying


acting cute


Arg.. alot of the interesting peopl are going off
mei hui and me gonna invade marina if tiong get too boring
'

oh this is b4 and after

BEFORe


AFTER



oh ya
blur sotong finally smile


gonna photoshop them and send to them

my sis is right
i am seriously down on my luck
every week
somethign UNhappy

first leg
then work
then friends no more
then school

wad else cumming next?

oh

got this call today
SHIT!
goota hit the mail box veryyy soonnnnn

BUCK UP!!

in the morning
everything felt so ever wrong

guys who were concern
god dont try to understand plsssss
is not just about one thing
if i cant expect u to understand
i dont wish to waste my breath

can u ask your heart to follow your mind?
no wonder u...
oh nvm

my minds say over
my heart say not
then what?


at night
It felt alright
my family got me up there and here
then now they are all asleep
then shit
all that things overwheming me again


my dream was broken
now it became a nightmare
haunting every time


did i really turn that dream to a nightmare myself
or was it some one else
can i just turn it back to dream
or at least
dreamless
no nightmare or so


she says :" it take two to clap, so dont try so hard yourself ling"

me : :"'(

she says: " either solve it or end it"

me: " i cant do it alone. u said it too, take two hand to clap"

she says: "so now? wait for them to take the first step"

me: "do they want? and so what if things been thrashed? in fact i got nothing to thrashed"

she says : "give it a try, it cant get worse right?"

me " .... .... ..."

oh man
my heart
oh pls
listen to your mind will u

i been thinking like hell doing to me
now i dunno why
and whats wrong with me
so i really hate her now?
i dunno

i just delate all the photos
throw away the neoprints
but when i saw all the CD and videos

friend not? or yes

last night went out at 10.30
stella last day

i seriously find that i am down on my luck this year

working place not getting lesser and lesser of interesting people
stella quit
no mor e"KNN" from her
or dee siaoing around

di di gonna quit on april
might be going for P.t

well
why not the less interesting people go
Meanio!~

anyway it was her last day
and she need not come down for notice
so i rush down to have that last supper with her

in the end the tAble full of people
was abit bored at first
coz too many people?
but later gotta warm up
but the main host
STELLAAAAAaa
she was on the verge breaking up with her boyfriend
so she sat in another corner
talk to her phone * boy

took quite some pictures
and video
kept me smiling for sometime

gonna download the pictures soon

ph god pls
dun take everything from me
u took some
give me back
if not
dont continue taking

***

i felt the wind brezzing
through my hair
above my skin
leaving tinging feeling after

if only i can be a coward
and have the guts
i jump down right
and leave everything behind

i wonder
will i really die?
how long will i feel the pain?
can i like die right after i hit the ground
dont make me hurts so much

aiya.. talk only
i got no guts yet

all thigns are driving me crazy

i just burst and broke down
when dad wanted to find trouble
it was as usual
we all usually just kinda ignore
but this time
i just keept crying and crying non stop
my eyes hurt
but not as much as my heart

oh ya
another big deal
family matters

my granny
she giving all the money to my 3rd uncle
i dun want to know
i know too much stories of her and the family last generation
enough to make me a saddist
like my troubles not enough or wad

oh ya
did i mention the money
was like millions?

haha
i work people will ask
why work?
ur got all rich uncles

ya right
they are my uncles
not me
even if my dad is rich
that his business

paid school fees today
gonna do the CPF thign soon
damn
so expensivveee

i work for half ayr
got abit afew thousand
gave it all to my dad to pay debts
did i felt heart broken?
u bet

i save it for my studies
not i just have to slog

family is for life
what to do?

oh ya
i rejected them
i dont need my rich uncles giving me money
or supporting my school fees

u might have all the money
that was deserve to be spilt among all your sibling
7 sibling money
are all now at one or two hands

i dunno how my grandmother thinks
she can spend one thousand bucks in jackpot weekly
she can give out easily grands to her favourite son

but i know she old
just let her do

i know people are angry
here ur daughter in laws and sons
are slogging their lifes
then granddad leave all the money for you
u spend ur days in jackpots and gambling
and now leaving all to your favoursite son?

stuck with the name teo
i wish i dont need to know so much
been burden with too much things that not a simple person can handle

from 14 to 18 now
it seems like i been through 20 to 40
when can i lead my proper life
not needing to worry soo much

when can i be a simple school ger?
ohh..
so sick
i really dunno how to think about it

i wonder if i will regret
my dad rejected the the money too
he says it better to work for people
that partly why all my uncles are rich business man
but only my dad

anyway kinda goo
my dad simply sucks in business

so now i kinda following his step
rejecting my uncles helps
but my reasons are different

sometimes i dont wish to interfer too much
but my dad say things that are true at times

my elderest uncle is having cancer but still working
my 3rd uncle now desperate to sell his house coz his business been fail
my 4th uncles just have this small company struggling
my dad just a simple taxi driver
and out of all my cousins
i am the only one working and studying

u know baise do wonderS?
i never realise
till not long ago
but she old
let her have her way
but was it too much?
i simply give up
i cant even handle my problems
dont give me more and more and more

i have too much already

ling u are falling
hurting yourself deeper and more aching
how to pick up yourself

how can i not let thngs affect one thing?

i cant stand anymore!

i wonder how will ti be like
to just die and let thigns be there
so sick

but then
there are people worse then me in the world
but then again
compare to the rest


u know if u got to attedn my funeral
i duno when will i get the sudden guts and jump down

come to my funeral in white will u?
and dont make them play the chinese music
i like english music
or missing or parting
just soft and nice

oh ya.
bring a white rose will you?

Have you wondered how it feels when its all over
Wondered how it feels
when you just have to start a new

Never knowing where youre going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just had to close my eyes
and sayI just want to breathe again

Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little,
cry a little
Live a little

moreI just wanna face today
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little

Ill breathe again
Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go
but life still moves on
With a bit of luck
Its a brand new start

That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Dont want to live on life replay
Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

di di lost his phone and wallet yesterday
that sotong! went to toilet and do his BIG business
then left his wallet there
15mintues that he realise it was not with him

went back
of coz no that already
then later our driver double check for him
found his wallet in the rubbish bin

thankfully IC still there
but cash and phone gone

he dont seems too sad
give him a new excuse to buy new phone also

am i that easy see through
i wish and wish
i cant hide my feelings
not to be soo honest and direct
and couldt act well

pretend well


i duno why
it affect me that much

i was laughing helping di di with his phone stuff
then i remember somthing
then didnt talk much
then eveyrone started asking me if wads went wrong

oh my god
thank god there is still them

dont give it to me
if u meant to take it away

cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope
cope


i just dun feel like mixing and talking alright
things are hanging around
just end or start it


dun fall down ling
dun!

opss
just read clive blog

point taken already
that wad miraa say
u two same ehz!

hmm
sometimes we have to give up our dignity just to solve problems

im willing to give up my dignity to save a friendship
but then
how?

it is not just giving dignity that easy
and is not suppose to be me alone trying

see i blog that
i know u read that

i just wish
someone take care of it
i listen whatever has to be done
and get over it
but then

again
ARGH

hey ger
dont cry anymore
it is totally not worth it

the only thing left now are membories
that why they hurts
too many membories and impossible to erase
he will not cry over it
coz he continue being to those place with no hurt

the first to give up feels nutting
the last to give up
feel eveyrthing crushing down

he has no right to make u feel like that
you have to face him for 2 more years!
with him and his gerfriend

i know is totally sick
some people are just like that
just like the bithc
still dare to smile at you
i know
horrible

they might all think she or them might be wrong
u might live with places, eveyrwhere filled with painful membories
u might know many people are supporting you
u know eveyr hates that bitch to came between
i know u felt like strangling her
letting them try to be like you

some people are just like that

not much to be able to console
but then
life just gets on
but ya i know..
that awful feeling
making u fragile all over
making u breaking down all over

it is ruining your eveyrday life

Have u seen people who cheat
and can even look happy?

I know that was freaking childish
u know blame the whole world
if people give a damn to tell u
about a 2nd tot for u
and tell u about it
that ya got stumped
then feel inferior
hear that from tons of people
good points bad points
cant be change
is build within

oh.. what to do?
lets not scare anymore people
or else they will u .. know.. start those kiddy stuff again

puh-pls
i getting more amused and not funny all over
when getting a mind of ur own?
instead of being afraid of this and that
lousy~~
but cant be blame
u just wont fit in


anyway school gonna be a totally bored for me

yups!
guys
i been outcasted
not really lar
but u know clicks been form
then is not that easy to join them
and u know my pervious clicks
now known as my class mates

oh ya.. read hui ting and mandy blog
friendship broken up again
something is really wrong with peopel in rabbit year
seriously
gonna go praying

ya she right
no point
"i mean now u know
u sure u wan to go back to tt.. u knoww? "

err...

at least i am not Herrrrrr
i am not that pathetic yet

but is okaayyy
at least i dun have two or more annoying perking voices
or childish comments making me rooolllllll me eyes up and high
nah it have been a purly dislike since long time ago

but i miss another two
haha hates and miss and dislike

but then it matter no more

nah
it is not only all about school i am talking about
i know i just read upwards
then i think of the people who will feel who am i talking about
BUT it dun matter coz
if u read this
then start to feel angry
yups then
is u
dun need to deny
u know it in your heart
but god lar
ur childish comments wont take me down


EH whose Hay?
i am straw larr

rites lame


spoke to someone not from class
not from work
not from my perviouusss schoolss

do u know who?
i only related by school to him/her

OH MY GOD
it felt sooo great ya?
both agree on the same thing
and it even an insult to tell ppl u are linked with
haha so bad ar u!

but then
i kinda sick of people agreeing
but i do like
means i am not on wrong foot
butttt
when will it be my turn
when will it that people can convenice me?
i dun even have to convience
i just simply askthe stand
and say the facts

get that facts
factsssssss
evidence all over larrr


eh.. now i think back
i mean two used to talk bad about her too rites
u know when that time i was freaking angry
nopes..
wayyy back
then i talk to them all that
haha
soo fake

.. another thinking
am i happy in school?

no larr
how can i be happy?
but somehow there
i might miss all over
feeling my aching
but somhowwww
somthing felt so good too

u think?


aww i am blahing around

off to anohter
to blog with namesssss
not no guts
but u know waddddd

some ppl actually reckon i did that to make ppl hate her
i told del today
haha yupss
so childish

anyway i was also shock
melvin went to talk to them
but nvm
i dun matter about that
i didnt even knew about it till later he told me
i was like... huh?

picking up myself back to pieces ya?

u know
something weird happen to me at night

then i told them at work
stupid di di and stella scaring me
with all the ghost all that

coz when i sleep at night
i feel like puking
yet i cant puke
like somethign stuck there
then my mind will go in a whirl
totally sicking

couldnt slept till dawn

the they starting scaring me with stories
esp di di
stupid
tell me alot things
then stella she herself got encounter b4
oh well scarrryyyy

i just figure this
it is just gastic problems

if tonigt it happen again
i gonna carry that thign my mom gave me
if it continue
ya is my gastic lar

work was usual
smiling all the way

rui wrote me a testimonal
nice* Thankie~

urs on the way ya?

chatted till later last night
very i guess
people been asking me
abit tired of saying every single thing
but it helps

gosh i now know some thinking
making me want to laugh

sorry ya?
if one day u were to blog about someone
ur point might be to let other hate her
but sorry mam or sir
mine not
i dont think that much
nither do i wanna bring ones down
no one have the right to make people hates

so here to define
i wrote all that not to make people hate her
plus if u read it
i never really mention the thing negative about her
is mostly about my dislike
is about my anger
not naming her flaws

*shakes head*
shock myself with the things peopel can make up with

but then
nothing really gonna shocks me already
been numb to shock already

*smiles* to people who let me know ya?
helped me alot

just felt slightly better because of work
felt slightly better coz rui been tagging
felt slightly better coz
even b4 i said
eveyrone already know it

for those who dunno anything
is okayyyyyy
it is not a competition to me at least
not like how people believe in me or so
only when they asked and wants to help
then...

if u want to know
ya u from class
anything
u wana know?
just sms me or call or anything
i dun mind anymore

so
i just hope it end soon
after all been cleared up in my mind
i learning to pick myself up already

SMILING!
i been smiling and laughing
finally

that feeling was wondersss
thanx to my work friends
and of coz customers too

even to my surprise i felt so much better at work
coz been sick
my throat is terrible
too many late nights and crying and troubles

and i have this terrible headache
that just wont go away
felt like fainting
eveyrthing not organize
felt weak larrrrrrr

but then stilll
the "didi-meimei" things..
haha so funny
DIDI VERY FUnniieess
haha
he very "xiao boi boi?"
i still cant believe he punch his brother
and the way he says mei mei
HAHA
GOD! his actions are worth 2 times of phua chu kang
that the reasons why 3 sakae worker
after work went for supper
and keep laughing all the way

anyway i think i meet two weird kinds today
totally.. funny in a way?

first was
i was the cashier for night time
so i was roughly glue there
then there this table right oppsite cashier
there was this boy with logan eyes *huge eyes i mean*

then he was doing this peek a boo thing with me
then he suddenly stand up
and gimme a kiss in air
with a louddddd "MUACK"

i was... O.O
stund
haha then he go hide himself again
and peek a boo

i was still stund!
the di di seeing me so stund
ask me what happen
then i manage to keep laughing

my voicceee terribbleee

some more hmm..??
ya i know everyone have different views to bloggin
u have urs
i have mine

is not i chose blogging to hurt people with my words
is i chose blogging to vent my feelings

can i say u are afraid to be kick out of friends circle
that why u dont dare to blog about ur true feelings
not just because of hurting

wadever though

can i say again
i am not declaring war
here with how i feel towards people
just my thinking

anywayyyy

chatted with people from class
felt much better i guess
and they were being so confuse too
but then
.. their reaction is shocking also

first person i talk to
enlighten me abit
telling me in their point
aying i should this that coz..
and i really figured it out
then they even wants to help me
to solve it up
i dunno
wad there to solve?
but they say just clear up the mess
just leave that place clean
even it cant be healed
hmmm
sorry lar
friday really sick
not aviodding

second people i talk to
gave me alot shocking (maybe not)
make that new thinking of her
nopes it is bad
seems like i am not the only one
there even people worse feeling for her
i mean it is so obvious
time already tell it all already
dont u ?
wont u destest such a person
after knowing so much
even u not within us
u know
she do it daily

so felt abit better?
it helps to talk to people
and it helps moreee to me now

nvm abt times tells it all
coz they already know

oh ya..
u dun have to know who it is
coz it dont matters
coz
a lie comes out from a honest guy
eveyrone will believe
a truth comes out from somone dishonest
no one will believe

so how e?
use ur brains and think is it is right lor
thank goodess it was nto be alone
people do understand even b4 i voice it out

thnx you god!

guess i am totally wrong
even that last person
was gone

gone with the wind

for those who said
that they believe in her
wrong totally wonrg
*shakes head*

she went over
i guess after u stay in roman u a long time
u become a roman eventually

rui close her blog
she say she cannot take it
having to explain to people for feelings
*agree totally*

at least there are still people dares to comment
at least there a bunch daring to write how he or she feels

if u think that once people blog
and there are people who gonna read it
then i gonna be careful

ya kinda right
but sorry

i dont that shallow yet
i someone open with honest
i wanna blog WADEVER i like in MY blog
it is mine

i am not pretending my feelings "outside" my blog
just that i am given this space
in a million website
to write my feeling
it is my space ya
my feelings
at that moment
i already said
"wad i say does not meant forever"
it means
i wrote in the prime of emtions
venting it
then'
people just judge u from words
some things should put to words
coz people read
they place u in their heart
of what you type


rui say
she hates it that she being mad with someone
at that moment
and she decide to blog it
then she have to add a sentence
to say "sorry if it hurts"
or say "didnt meant it"
freak u
i am writing coz i felt angry
why do i have to even say things
like "sorry ... " etc

eh rui..
great minds think alike
HAr haRs

sorry ya?
this is life
coz without that sentence
people will comdemm you
people will feel u are too harsh and hard
people will qns you
blame you

that life
they wants to read
yet they dont wish to
get it?

or rather i not that considerate
that why now i open another one ya?
so that i can freely
being as happy
as sad
as angry
as all i want

no need to explain
to need to face people

blogging suppose to let you vent your anger
but not add your troubles
but people create the troubles

anyway i think it is over
once got that intention
to save it
coz people tell me lots of things
though u might hate this person character
but u still can be friends
just ignore the person

but everythings too late ya?
though i wish i know that earlier
but...
thru this
i know alot things
alot thinking of different people
that making it not irreplaceable
making not able to be solve
make it
xiao gang no more

yups
after so many advice from people
i admit i was wrong to aviod first
i admit i was wrong to not to control my temper
i was wrong to expect them to think that way
i am admitting it HAPPILY
coz finally people who cares
actually have that guts and concern to tell me
where go wrong
they dont blame me
but they reallllyyyyyy hope that
after they told me my weak points
i can save it
i sooo happy i understand and finally know wads to admit!
thnx eh!?

however it is too late
realise something more important
how easy it can be give up by them
how replaceable one can be

that the most important ya?
that the most heart breaking thing also

oh ya.. many stuff happen at work
and i am down with sickness
and i cant commuiate my dad
well no one can

dont expect him to understand
well no one can understand him though
but just leave me alone

u duno why i been chatting lates
coz something happen in school
something hurting and big to deal with

why i loves to go to work
coz the people there brightens me
and bring me away from thoughts

u just dunno
so bye bye!
these people
whom i work with
are not just plain collegues
we are nto robots

i dont bother to explain to him
i done that
and the result
so freaking shame

OWww...

i never think of my class ppl like this

muackS@!

got a few sms concerning
chatting on messenger with flooding supports
even someones in clas

thankie so much
u dunno how much that would meant to me

thnx
starting to let few people know of my another blog
but still not gonna be much
gonna be careful about friends

read some others blog
too tired to explain

for both
the one that dont understand but gave their comments
the one whome dont understand but wanting to know

sorry eh?
i am too tired to clarify myself yet
let me clear up my mess
and pick myself up and stand again first

dont ask for my secret blog ya?
just let it be between me and myself and just some people

one of them who read my blog told me this

in this blog..
i trying to express myself
defending myself
explaining myself

coz i know that i cant write eveyrthign i really feel
i cant write about the most privates thinking
for people are reading
and a huge portions of read it
arent close with me
so they would know how i feel
then in the end leading to some tensions

at there
i let myself out totally
i give it all out
blogging with really no worries
knowing that all these thoughts are read
by someone who understand

no need to be afraid that i will be misunderstood
no need to be afraid of people talking behind my back
no need to explain to people why i wrote that
no need to explain how i feel
no need to fight

all that no need
i need them
i need all the "no needs" deeply

i will mourn for something
coz it meant something to me
when i really start to put myself in
i place all my stakes
so give me time to recover

if it meant something so little to me
i be smiling
laughing
making jokes

sorry i cant use schemes
i am afraid in my life for schemes
you might be using urs

i can make myself reacts as differently to your plan
but i wont
i react to how i really feel

another blog another blog another blog

i finally blog with ease

move on.
hopeless

not gonna be left behind
wait!
i be back
and u will be crying

haiz another blog pls

i think not gonna let ppl know
maybe only ting

today my plan work pretty well
i woke up and attend lesson
even GEMS

just that i forgot to apply LOA again

borrowed from banu her maths notes
thnx ya
i return u on friday ya?

hmm pretty weird day
had so many though running
thought left like giving it just up liek that
i cant

a not just a simple friendship that i can say
bye bye to
if only it cant be
but too much to let it go
but so wad?
nutting much i can do
know so much that i dunno how to save it

i tried not to think of thigns that make me more upset
but i dunno ..i offend god or something
as i lsten to 98.7 this morning
ya the songs are about

friends no more
alone in my world

it use to be perfect
but why was it lost

so many~!
wad! leave me alone
everything things been running
why can i just stop it for one moment
dont haunt me
i already lost alot
i already alone
just dun grieve me more

then listen to abit of VB project
kinda got some idea

i think seriously
rabbit year people are really down on luck

seems like i am not the only one on friendship problems!

mandy
hui ting
christine

some of their blog was talking abt it
it didnt make me feel better knowing i was no the only one but still
wads wrong?
why was we in clouds nine
then our dreams got crashed?

why?
i gonna pray

i cannot take another sprain leg ( I ONLY GOT 2 LEG!)
i cannot take another broken friendship ( i duno when i believe)
i cannot cant take more scary people
i cannot take schemes

why not as open as i am
why not just show it in your face
wont it hurt more when the another party know about it?

i dunno
too complex for me

anywayyyy back to daily life
i keep forgeting thoughts is not blog here

anyway today meet my dearest ting
someone i can always lean on

i always goes to her for advice
because she dont just agree for and think for me
she always stands in abother party
and anaylze for me
how would people

she knoe how i think and my character
she will tell me how would the person feel
and make me calm down
she dont need to ask me alot stuff
she just know

she one of the greatest treasure i had in my life

we went for movies and dinner
then walk all around

chatted for fe hours

she gave me alot advice and new thinkings

i might be using them
one of it
talk to daphne alone first
tell her how u really feel
dont let her think anyhow
tell her the truth
firstly sh got the right
and i own her that for the hurts

then for another one
can just plain ignore
coz i know it wont work

another one i can try to say along too coz i think she will understand
i remember she used too

i was at fault too
butis over
just concentrade on saving
not cry on spilled milk

but it wil goes back as one grp
but she says
just clear it up
dont let them mis understood me
for the rest
we have 3 year
i might change
so will them

she even ask if she can talk to them?
i dunno
why they already banned her for not knowing much
but ting someone who is very fair
should i?

maybe just 2

if there not ah ting
i think i gona break down
thnx ting!

I use to think
that i got a box of gems
i thought that they shine above
but now i know
only afew are real gems

which was surprising after knowing what i been through last night
woke up with sore eyes
been sometimes
i cried myself to sleep
last time was because of him
i thought nothing can actually do that anymore
but

last night
as i cry and laugh myself to sleep

cry coz they are too many membories
too many wishful thinking of my own
thinking forever friends
thinking friends compromise
not bearing hatred
thinking that even without the need
to voice everything out
they understand
like how i though i did understand
how i tried my best to compromise
i woken up

dun ask me
why this
why that
why not u think b4 u ask

why did she yell?
it was wrong to hurt people..
but do i really think she feel happy abt it?
she yelled becoz she was in a fit of anger though she might be wrong
but is okay coz i understand her real thinking as a friend

why didnt she want to face us and talk?
all she know is aviod and continue be like that and never think for others
but..
maybe she need to cool down..
maybe she thinking of solutions?
maybe she trying to aviod her alone
she did talk to demin about it but she didnt give comments when she was lost.. but demin said that her comments she want to keep in heart

since no one dares to comment
or even tell hweeling if she gone too far or not
since no one willing to give her comments
even firends within
she gonna ask adivce from outside
people who are willing to comments

she knows demin and jin yan wont understand why she cant be friends with daphne

so she dont wish to tear them apart thinking yet
she just waiting and thinking

it is not something that can be understand

she ask demin for comments coz she want her to choose whose side to be and demin just dun wan to hurt her feelings coz she know she was fed up and dont want make it worse!
demin dun wish to be stuck in the middle coz she dunno why it becomes like that

then what about hweeling?
who does can she else talk to?
someone in class telling them and spreading it?
she not asking to sides
it was never in her mind
in you guys mind?

is she really those kinda that snatch friends?
isnt she the one always leaving the gro instead so there nothing to quarrel abt?

if she asking for sides
she wont leave herself alone first
she wont let daphne be the one with friends first
coz she know is no one fault
and no one gonna take side
coz it is impossible to do it
she was confuse
she know what she say was hurting
she knows daphne was not in wrong
but she cannot control herself feel that ways

she was lost with no one willing daring to comment
she lost herself in the world that already confuse
she got more angry being to handle this alone

She just treat jin yan and demin like toys pushing to daphne or her
pls! the main point now is hweeling and daphne
yes jin yan and demin is also affected
but why ask for more problems when there are some not solves

if hweeling treats jin yan adn demin liek toys
she wont rather put herselfs in alone then sticking to the 4 but making all unhappy so why not instead of being so selfish thinking for those not that important people.. think on major issues first

ya ya.. hweeling just wants to win.. everything is she right.. so childish and stubborn.. making her friends her puppet..
whoever that really feels this way
u dont need to bother to asking her all those qns
all you want is to beat her down not save a friendship
she trying to let u understand
already pin point the pros and cons
if as a friends truely understanding and wanting to solve it
wont keep on rattling like a spoilt brat

WHY cant she talk to both of us why must one by one?
she trying her best to let you guys understand how it feel
how is it like u ONE person have to explain to TWO
she have to handle two person

wad makes the differences?
if really wanting to understand
then let her talk one to one
why u worry?
wads to worry?

let her make one by one understand first
let her rest for a moment
she gone through much more
she was alone
yes she choose that herself
but the point she was alone first

if all u want if beat her down with
two mouths
two thinking
then can stopped
she let u beat down if that ends everything

if you dont undertand how it feel dont just push them all the another fault thinking is the person fault trying to be stubborn and childish

it was not like saving a friendship
if someone were to save a friendship

will the person just give up commenting saying u are chilish stubborn etc
just coz she dont understand why?

will someone ask the same qns over and over again
and wont the person who get tired by asking the same qns?

why not use brains to think b4 ask?
it was like fighting more liek it
just wanting to push her down

she ask me this ask me that
and when i tried my best to answer her
she said i was not talking about the main point of daphne and me

she ask me things like " in the past.."
this and that happen
i know that sometimes past add up to there
but it past!
if u cant solve the present
dont go ratting about the past
is not like we all dont have our flaw
is not like we all didnt get irrated with everyones flaw now and then
but as friends we compromise
as friends we forgets

if u cant and just keep ur dislike in heart
then dont pretend you can
dont just swallow it down and pretend

then when she dont get her answer
she just say people was the one driving out of point
so.. who was the one asking about stupid qns yet?

even last time with hui yu and ee mei
i was never this speechless
maybe i should be thankful
at least ee mei and hui yu were truthful
they dont just hide it down

i been speechless not because
i felt they were right

coz i am amazed the words that can come out from there
i am amazed how they can twist the whole thing
i am amazed how they can not get it
i amazed by how i know the truth
the truth of people


i never realise
that hatred was buried deep down somwhere for time
just that it give it a perfect chance to explode them
but i am glad i know it now
i already suspect long time
i already that that feeling
but i dismiss them
coz i feel that it wont be
coz that wads friends are for
if there is such things
they tell me
but last night

my friend say i am navie
to let my guard down
and let it happen
should believe in real friends then?
if they cant understand
then is okay
they belong to that world
they might claims eveyrthing
but it look fooolish from our world
just takes some times
to let others notice?

hweeling : i dunno
wonderful ways they have
but the ugly side was too much to bear

do you still want this friendship?
ya pretty much
coz too much memborie also
but is not possible after knowing so much of them


too many hurts been hurl
coz hope be totally gone
coz now i really came to realise
how some friend it is

never though that anyone
would be that scary
i am glad
everyone knows how i feel
i am glad even it means they know the ugly side of me
i am glad that i blog my feelings
not pretending to swallow and
act as different as i think

Shall not blog here temporally

friends whom really are mine
can go another one
whom i can write with comfort
knowing it f.r.i.e.n.d reading

not some chilish spoilt brat in who pass it by
who think he or she can determine the whole world of me

sometimes the bad thing of blogging
is some sensless or brainless people
who just read and understand from there
i blog whenever i feel
whatever if eel
if u think it hurts
is ok
u are not welcome here

i blog when i feel the gust of emotions
then i need to vent it out

don bother come asking me why i blog this
coz if u dont understand
means u are not one of mine
then why would i bother?

if u think ur weak heart cant take it
leave then
not that i cant take comments
but give comments only after u understand
if u dont
why do i need to waste my time and breath
in the end getting insults
but i will be laughing
at u
coz how i remember

i only talk to someone
and wast my breath letting the person understand
if the person dont
and hurl me back with all the tiny things in life
thinking he or she is the mostttt unchildish un stubborn

i think that it just a spoilt brat afterall
then why do i want to bother?
i smile as i do to small kids

at least i dun blog about stupid things in my blog
but hiding my feelings deep down
i not that scary yet
hiding my feelings
pretending i like u or not

today was hanging aroung wih banu and melvin

ya i know the out-cast gang
but i am glad for to be there
i found that things arnt so bad afterall
though nothign much to talk
but at least u dont have that kinda hurling thinkings
at least i dont have to bear it for the sake of it

at least
they cant hurt me

so long
off to another blog

if saying i am wrong
gonna stop all these

i am wrong
there u go

i cant let them understand
they just cant

I cant take it anymore

no more " u see! is u .........."

no more " is u who..."

no more "u are the one stubborn.."

no more
i gave all i could
thinking
ya things could be better

now
things cant be any worse
and things wont be any better

say whatever u all wants
say whatever to everyone
say whatever

i got no strength left

friendship is not abt who is right or wrong

say good bye to hweeling
who been in there once
but thankfully out

6 months back
i though i found my true and best friends
i though i found 4 amazing girls i gonna keep

today my dream got destroy


now i know the great difference
when ting read my blog
she know that i dont meant is all
she knows that how i really feel

i am avoiding to not burst up
ting ask me to cool down coz
she know me best
she know i am in the prime of being angry
she knows that if i say more or listen more
i get worse
she my real best friend

i am surprise how they really think
totally shock

they just read my blog
and determine that the way
that i am who i wrote

and they blame one
for not standing one 3 person shoes
one person to think for others

should i be seriously glad?

why it started?
is coz of me

no one think why
if they dont understand
then dun assume
coz u make an ASS out of U and ME

if u add the words in bold
it made assume

for the navie me
i thought at least one
for 4 whom i been so close too
will know how i really feel
like how my real friends do
but alas
none

can i cry now?

can i cry coz

they want me to put myself in three person shoes
or
coa they actually dont understand me
or
xue-er once ask me how i feel
i didnt tell her
coz i though if it was my true friends
they know why

navie huh
i thought they think how ting thinks
i though that they understand more
to think of that
it only me i guess

i thought they understand it was not avoiding
i thought they know that is coz i cooling down
i thought they know that i didnt want to talk
is afraid of being more hurt
i thought
i though best friends will know that
but i was wrong

i thought they understand that
i say and wrote in a fit of anger
coz i thought they knew me best

i though they will know that i dont hate daphne
i just can get along with some one whom character of hers
i thought they knew me best

i thought they might think for me
and realise how scared and hurt i am
i thought

i knew they think for her
i knew the whole world gonna yell at me
for being harsh
for being mean
but i thought the whole world
didnt include my best friends
or should i say so call friends

i wonder
as i stand in their shoes
as i stand in her shoe
think for them
think of the best solutions

did they do it
did they really think for me
demin say she dont understand how i feel abt her
then what?
am i suppose to let her sprits enter my mind?

i told eveyrthign i could
if they dun understand
why i shouldnt continue trying

did anyone think for the gal
who trying to hard at first
the one who struggle all the way
just to keep a friendship

did they
then why did they came and say that to me
why did jackson came and say i didnt give a damn
but is ok for jackson
for he wasnt one of us
he just listen
and just talks

why did they point all their fingers at me
why did they not thinks i am sturggling

to them
they just want to talk it out
but they dun udnerstand

for me
to keep to let go

for i know myself best in the world
i dont want to let it get worse
i dont wish to continue something
making it worse

i tried so hard
i been struggling
i thought maybe
maybe they undertsnad abit of my pain
but no
they understand her pain
their pain
but never mine

to them
me someone who hurt another
they can list me the examples and continue the list

but
why?
was my pain unknown


i give up
i left them alone
bestfriends minus me
i give her everything that meant to me
coz i spare a though for them

my effort
and treated as nothing
as shit
as not known

they only know their pain
their wounds
their thinking

till today i knew
i woken from my dreams

why try so hard
when u ur heart get wrench over and over again
why no one came and put a comfort shoulder
and tell u
"i understand but lets get over?"

it is over
since u all think i am such a person
so maybe i should be

i thought so
i thought
...
let the 3 stands strong
and let everyones come and blame me
talk behind my backs
let them
i am too tired

To Jackson wong from dict/1a/22
-is none of ur business
- u have never been one of us neither will you know how i feel
-u dunno how i think though u might be 24 know lots of people but i am not ur other "experience"
-lastly i am not declaring war with you
just that with all those harsh but non-meaningful words u said to me

these are wad i wana tell u

read hui ting blog

it felt ... nice?
to know that i am not the only one
here her entry
though the reason arnt the same
but..

Monday, February 28, 2005

frenz alwayz. i wish ehx.
but. . .does everyone deserve frenz alwayz?
din wan to write the followin den.
but now. let it out. .
.esp for u noe who u are.

Changeschanges.
who loves changes?
who hate changes?a
re changes good or bad?
is changing from someone you use to be to someone nota good thing?

maybe. maybe not.before.no matter
how many timeswe persude you to try on something new
you decline
nowwhat your friends sayyou'll agree.
and do so.before.
no matter how many timeswe persude you to join us in the sea
you decline.
always giving excuses.

nowjust a few words[i guess]
and there you are in the waters
ometime even first.
beforenow matter what
you'll need to reach home early
can't even stay over at friend's house
can't even go clubbing
cause your mom can't imagine you dancing?
cause your parents will nag?
nowyou can reach home at 1am?
you can stay over at friend's house?
you can go clubbing?

so, your mom can finally imagine you dancing?
so, your parents don't nag anymore?
what's with that attitudewhat's with that facewhen gathering up with us
izzit asking too much?
izzit such a bother to you?if it's so juz say.

ok. say am petty.
and mayb am really petty.
but think about it.
isn't wad i said at least a bit true?

mayb there are reasons behind all those.
yea, ppl growing up therefore blar blar blar. . . but. . .from what i see,
what i hear,
effort wasn't really put in. is it?

i dunno, mayb someone wil tell mi so. shoot me off.
say am wrong.
cos a friend is always better than an enemy.
but if it's wastin time and it isn't worth it.fine. let it go.

hmm.. let it go
i missed you @10:59 PM

shit
i am one day late
to my plan or being "back to days"

wad suppose to going ON TIME
to school eveyrday

but last night
i had one of aching nights
my arm and leg hurts like no one business
plus i feel like puking
somethings wrong with my body
so didnt slept the whole night
aching all over
yet feeling so sleepy

the alarm didnt rang
i woke up at 12 plus
feeling freaking guilty
plus upset
no one even sms me

annyywaaayyy
i decided to get out of the sadddinng me now
sO
gonna concentrate other things
other thigns wont matter
coz its no longer in my top list

olevel result out
been smsing like mad
but not all reply
guess didnt do as well as should?
wellll
i dun want console them
coz it will make things worse

every console
become a pang to heart
reminding them the fact
that hurts


anyway
3 of them from work
all score.. hmmm
all flunk an important subject

2 whom fail english got l4r4= 15!
1 whom fail maths...

went to find out from ranald about failing maths but getting the rest A's
now chatting with di di

but hear that this year olevel is out of 10 years the best one

hear ppl from past schoool did pretty well

qin!!!! 15 points
*huggies*
well done ya

hear everyone score pretty well back in school

but only from my school
my workplace ppl and cousin.. all did rather badly..
hmm. why?